It's time

It's time to let go.

How painful must the hand be after clutching

so long

so desperately

so powerfully

at its own chains.

It's time to say goodbye.

To asking for love from people who cannot love themselves.

To protectively opening my arms against the sharp hailstorm of the world, while the one I'm protecting keeps stabbing mindlessly.

To offering such warm and humble gifts to kids who haven't yet discovered gratitude.

It's time to stop running away from pain and start walking towards love.

Everywhere I lovingly walk towards is the path I'm meant to be. Anywhere I'm frightfully running from is the path I'm not.

I thought I was doing good. I thought good was being done to me. I ignored all criticism and saw the good in people.

And I'm left so hurt. Betrayed. Damaged. With my first instinct towards understanding and forgiveness instead of anger and indignation.

It's time to stop punishing myself.

This twisted irrational urge to punish me for the way bullies treated me.

Unthinking, self-hating, immature, unkind, unloved, unloving, cowardly bullies.

I'm not a saint. I made mistakes. But I never betrayed. I never poked at secret deep wounds that were so vulnerably and trustingly revealed to me.

It's time to leave.

It's time to heal.

It's time to love.

It's time to leave death behind.

The death of promise. The death of security. The death of warmth. The death of innocence. The death of care.

They were not evil.

But evil is as evil does.

It's time to leave evil behind.

Most of all, it's time to leave others behind.

And put myself ahead.

As a guide.

I will take care of myself. And in return his loving hand will show me the path. 

And the right people to walk it with.