Human, The

For an emotion to find it's place in your soul, it must be processed. It must be allowed to be felt. Mind is not a protagonist in this play. Though never ceasing it's constant fluttering of thoughts, it can't explore and sooth whatever must be felt.

You can't think your feelings away.

I'll think that whatever troubles find my door, I'll sit down, analyze, rationalize, execute them. But it is not so. 

They must be felt. Pain. Longing. Missing. Sadness. Anguish. Despair. Fear. Hatred. Anger. They will not kill you. Unless you don't allow them to. Then you'll see that they won't.

Absent, the above sequence never taught, I turned to thought. Deep conversations with myself. With others. Studying books upon books on how we work. Thinking there must be a golden logical process I never stumbled upon. A godly paradigm. A modus perfectus. 

But the mind has no qualms with the heart. Their work asunder.

Addictions seem like a solution then. This of course, retroactively concluded. Since I never knew it was an addiction until it fully was. I always thought I just liked eating a lot. I was lazy. I couldn't hold promises. I wasn't serious. I was just suffering from a monster that can't be persuaded. It numbed me. Calmed me down. After a while it fixed the problem it caused. And I wake up one day, dead. Because I wasn't living anymore. It was just the addiction. And what a bitch it was. And how much misery I received and caused of it.

Did.. Do... 

Not for long. Not digging my grave anymore, I'm digging my tunnel out of it. I can't numb myself anymore. 

It seems then, that I now must go through a lot of emotions.

I don't want to. 

It's ok. I'm human.

I wish instead it is like it was. 

It's ok. I'm human.

And I miss your company.

It's ok. I'm human.

And I want your acceptance.

It's ok. I'm human.

I'm convinced only through you I'm valued.

It's ok. I'm human.

I'm human.

It's ok. I'm human.