Honest(l)y

Honesty is a difficult thing. Not on it's own though. Being truthful or manipulative are just tools. Means to an end. And since every end is causated from a start, you must employ introspection to understand how and why you aren't being honest. To others. In the end, to yourself.

It's all about fear. Fear of being alone. Misunderstood. Unsupported. Unloved. Disliked. Abandoned. Untouched. Ignored. Non-existent.

You resort to acting in a way you don't even agree with. Your logic and morality clash with your longing for fulfillment. You hurt yourself. You hurt even those you deeply love. Even after understanding what true love is.

Fears bred from childhood follow you around, or rather, you don't let go of their leash. Even while experiencing what you actually desire. You're still afraid. Your inner child convinced of love being ephemeral. Fear, everlasting. For that's what they learned. Their blank canvas painted with insecurities. Their palms handed over the leash your parents were tought to carry.

It sounds tough because it is. That's life for you. But since you are of the ability to feel and understand and show compassion and love, do so to yourself. Forgive the person in the mirror for the lies they told you. For the behavior that hurt your loved ones. As you try so bravely to understand others' misgivings. Forgive yourself.

Just the fact that you try so hard not to hate those who hurt you means that you're an amazing candle in the midst of a hateful storm. You're still lit. Don't let your flame die out. Just understand. Just be mindful of what you feel.

Honesty is a tool. Use that tool and don't be afraid of being left alone. It won't be so. Even if you believe it in the face of irrefutable evidence to the contrary. You are adored. You are important. Needed. Cared for. Touched. Admired. Consulted.

Liked.

Loved.

I'll try to tell the truth from now on. My hands will hurt. The leash pulls strong. I'm scared my fears will pull like manic animals. But I don't want to hurt anymore. 

Myself or anyone else.

And I forgive myself for all the lies I told and heared. For we're all just scared. That's all.

Truth shall set you free.

Because truth is brave.

And brave is truth.